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Clouds in my Skies

Today was the first day of my morning routine. I woke up at 5:30, but then instead of stretching in bed, I pet my cat, which felt right. I lit some candles and let my mind grow still. I drank my tea and read my book. I got dressed and packed without having to rush. Arriving at school when it first opened was actually a peaceful experience. It made me look at the imposing brick rectangle and long hallways a little differently. Ascending the stairs felt more purposeful, even.

I felt disappointment early in the day and I carried this with me all day. I've only just realized it. Originally I was disappointed with a couple of my students, but now I see that I am really disappointed in myself. They didn't act the way I would have wanted them to, and so I feel that I goofed. Maybe I did. With the number of mistakes I make daily, I know this as a certainty. I did goof. But if a student goofs, I always try to gently correct them and I let them move on. I would never hold a grudge against them. I treat them compassionately. So why do I stay angry at myself? Why don't I treat myself with the same compassion that I would offer a child?

In one of the many books I am reading now, the author makes a comparison between difficult emotions that come up throughout the day and cloudy skies. Clouds pass across the sky, but the sky is always there. You might see not see the clear blue at every moment in your day, but when the clouds roll away, there still remains the blue sky.

But here I sit, and I am happy. I don't need to hold onto that disappointment. This is me noticing at 6:25 pm that my sky is still blue!

Oh! And I baked banana muffins to share with my staff tomorrow !


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